When your favorite, long-time bands break up, it means you’re old.
Dear Barenaked Ladies:
R.E.M. was always my favorite band. No offense. It’s just that I met them first. Someone slipped me a tape (yes, a tape) at that exact age that I needed a sound to come along and echo my personality to me. Their music paired masterful instrumentation with poetic lyrics to create a tone filled with just enough glory, protest, and wisdom. They stayed just indie enough to convey a feeling that only I knew them, even once they went huge.
You, BNL, were consistently my second-favorite band of all time. (That’s still pretty good!) Like R.E.M., you tapped into something ethereal, but you chose to reflect humor and witty wordplay. Nice. I screamed along with “Break Your Heart” after each girlfriend.
You’re not as good separately. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work for me. I’m not trying to be rude. I just figure perhaps no one else has been willing to tell you. Steve is nothing without Ed. Ed is nothing without Steve. Nobody wants to hear Tyler sing.
R.E.M. has stopped playing music. Now is your moment to get back together, and swoop in as my all-time favorite. I know you had things happen. Sure, there was cocaine, and probably some artistic differences, and maybe ego battles that, as Canadians, you’ve been too polite to get into. But the iron is hot. I need a new number one. Are you going to let it be U2 or the Indigo Girls, by default? That’s just not right.
My fiancee is a family therapist. I’ll get you a good deal, I promise.