Comedy/Romance monologue for women (20s to 30s): Ultra-romantic
A while back, I got a request from an actress named Daisy Faith for a new monologue. She was auditioning for a reality show on which the grand prize was a role in a sitcom. Daisy asked for a female version of the funny, neurotic guy characters like Chandler or Ross from Friends.
Well, the challenge spoke to me, and here’s my attempt:
First of all, I love you.
Not—I don’t really love you, like, LOVE you… We just don’t have a word… You know how in England, they’ll say they ‘fancy’ someone? That. I fancy you. Like, we say, I ‘like’ you, but that’s sorta, like, fifth grade, and it’s not enough to describe the flutter in my stomach. Neither is saying I fancy you, really… Umm… so, yeah, I guess that means I’m in l—Well, not—Don’t think—It’s just…
I didn’t know he was your brother though. I hadn’t met you yet. And it wasn’t my fault; he has those, your, those same deep grey eyes, you know? So I just had to do him. I couldn’t help myself. But, I mean, of course I could resist doing him if I was, you know, doing you. Not that I want to presume any… doing. Although if you felt like… a do…
I’m going to stop using that word.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Your brother’s eyes aren’t like yours: gorgeous pools of molten steel, the depths of which reflect a hidden future that a woman may only allow herself to wish for only on a starry night, your rippling arms to come home to, each of my children with that same cleft in their chin that you have. Or… that’s coming on too strong. Right? I know it is. It’s just that you seem like the kind of man who wouldn’t shy away from Love. That’s one of the things I love about you. Well, fancy about you.
Huh? Oh… Daisy. And here I promised myself next time I’d start with my name. Anyway, yes, mocha latte coming up.
Want to use this piece for an audition? Need to know my name? Want me to create a custom monologue for you? See the monologues page.